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Wednesday, August 4, 2010

She's so pretty...

Here's a story that makes me scared that I have girls...

I have many encounters at work with drug reps who bring in food and try to get us to prescribe the latest and greatest in medications.  I have a hard time listening to these awkward sales pitches, so occasionally I try to make small talk to distract them.  Today I had an exceptionally annoying encounter with such a person.  This woman wanted me to set her daughter up with someone on a date.

Let me list the reasons why this is awkward and annoying:
A.  I don't know this woman
B.  I don't know her daughter
C.  Why would I want to do this?

Let me expand.  I fancy myself as many things.  I am a doctor.  I am a mom.  I am a blogger.  I also consider myself a "baby product specialist", which is a term I coined (a subject for another post).  I am also a matchmaker.  I have set up two couples, one is married and the other engaged.  That's a good record.

So, this woman heard this and immediately sunk her teeth into me.  She wanted to describe her daughter to me so I could find her a match.  So, I told her to go ahead.  Tell me about your daughter, I may not set her up, but I can still make small talk.

Here's what she said (I am paraphrasing, obviously):
She is 24 and she is really pretty.  I mean really pretty.  She has long, dark hair.  And she is really pretty.  And skinny.  She is pretty tall and her one requirement for a date is that he is tall, too.  She is pretty exotic looking, some people think she is Hispanic or Arabic because of her dark complexion.  She's only 24 but she is really mature for her age and would not mind an older man.  She is beautiful but she dated someone for 6 years and now she hasn't met anyone because she wasted her time on this guy and she is so old.  So do you know anyone?"

Where do I start...Come on lady!  Are you kidding me!

If there ever comes a day that I need to describe my daughters I would HOPE that this would be the antithesis of my description.  I'm sure her daughter is pretty, every mother thinks so.  And with a blind date the first impression is made on appearances.  But are these really your daughter's best qualities?  Are there no better descriptors for your daughter than her good looks?  Does she have an interests? Or does she just stand around all day being pretty?

Don't get me wrong.  I'm sure her daughter is fabulous.  She probably is pretty but I bet she is many other things.  She is probably smart, maybe she is driven, possibly funny; but describing her as pretty or skinny actually underscores all of these traits. And it is insulting to other women.  And pretty, by the way, does NOT equal happy, or successful, OR get you a husband. (Have you read about Jennifer Aniston lately?)  And, by the way, how would I ever be able to set someone up based on this description?  He would have to be beautiful, and tall, maybe like Hugh Jackman (oh, yeah....I worked out with him yesterday...but he's taken...)

Maybe she will find a nice boyfriend or husband one day.  I hope that he is tall, if that is what she wants; but I hope he is WAY more than that.  And I hope he will love her completely, inside and out.

I just hope her mother doesn't drive her crazy in the process.


Anonymous said...

As someone who was set up on a blind date with his eventual wife, i have to say that physical attributes will often carry the day (skinny, pretty). It's a "foot in the door" tactic whereby a man will agree to the date. It's on the date, and not before, that he should find out about the woman's passions, interests, etc. I promise if the daughter was described as smart, driven and enthusiastic, with no info on her physical attributes, you would be equally hesitant to set her up. This is the reality - Blind dates have to start with attraction and build from that (although I'm not claiming one has to be skinny to be attractive). My favorite part is how she described her daughter as "so old."

Anonymous said...

thanks carrie -
ps - let's hear about hugh jackman!!!!

Dani G said...

Hmmm if her own mother can't find any better attributes than her daughter's looks, there may be a reason she's single, no?

Dana Gutman said...

Carrie, Your blog is great, interesting, and funny! Thanks for taking the time to share a working mom's perspective.

P.S. I saw the most beautiful pics of your girls on facebook, they are so adorable!...Although I'm sure there's a lot more to them than just good looks :)

All the Colman's in Florida might be planning a trip up to Michigan in October, hopefully we'll get to see you guys soon!

lots of love,

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