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Monday, June 7, 2010

You can't have it all...

Last night with my husband's family we got into a discussion about baby #3.  In retrospect, addressing when or if we are going to have baby #3 in front of others was probably a REALLY bad idea to begin with.  But it happened.  (posting about it may be an even worse idea, but I digress...)

So, those that know me know that I have baby on the brain.  My partner, husband and father to my children says that he is exhausted.  Just doesn't have it in him.  No way.  We'll see.

Anyway, his 93 (she must have read this) year old grandmother was at the table.  She asked me if I intended to stay home if I had another baby.  I promptly answered 'NO'.   I would take a maternity leave and then go back part time.  She then let me know that "I can't have it all".  Oh really?! ?  REALLY?

Obviously I was mad.  I am mad.  I am banging on my keys mad right now.  I want to scream this:  "YOU couldn't have it all.  YOU had to stay home and raise YOUR family while your husband worked.  YOU had to cook dinner every night and greet him with a smile and a clean house.  And YOU were supposed to love every stinking minute of it."

But I have choices.  I can work.  I can stay at home.  I can work sometimes and stay at home sometimes.  I can take time for myself.  I can make a good living and ask my husband to share some of the parenting responsiblities.  I can be a good mother AND a good doctor.  And these things are not just affirmations, they are the truth.  MY truth.

So, don't tell me I can't have it all.  Because I may just have to prove you wrong.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

your like my role model right now....I've been thinking about this for a while now, I really want to go to medical school and become a doctor, but I also want to have kids of my own sometimes in the future, I believe it can happen and I can do it, but my sisters and friends think it's impossible, that I wont have the time to do both

issa said...

Do you really have the time? The time to teach your children their academics? The time to do daily chores with them? The time to cook? The time to just play with them? The time to take them to their lessons or go on field trips? The time to take them to daily mass (I'm catholic)and the time to say prayers like the rosary with them? Do your kids feel like they have your full attention? Do you really have the time? Because that is my biggest concern and why, even though many tell me I am a natural doctor because I know so much of how to care for ailments, but I won't go their because I feel to be a good doctor and a good mother at the same time is not possible. Patients depend on you to find answers and to be there for them, and so does your children and husband. I just don't know if I can stretch myself so thin. If I thought it was possible, I'd consider being a doctor.

Anonymous said...

Whether you can be a happy working mom or not depends on whether you mind other people raising your kids for you while you are away at your job. While the field of medicine is quite alluring, I can't reconcile myself to the thought of letting my future kids be with other people all day.

Also, why the derision towards grandmother and why are you so angry?

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