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Sunday, May 30, 2010

This blog is for me...

This is a previous uncompleted entry that deserved attention....

Writing is interesting.  It makes me reflect.  Bring more meaning to the mundane.  But in order for it to be interesting, I have to put myself out there.  Like standing in front of a virtual crowd totally naked.  Horrifying.  Maybe someone will read my post and find it interesting.  Maybe no one will read it.  Maybe someone (anyone!) will post a comment.  Whatever.  It is for me.

My best readers so far are my relatives and friends.  I know that it is easy to increase my numbers on my blog, but frankly, adding comments to other peoples blogs right now is way too much of an investment.  So I will continue to do this now for me.

But I got myself into trouble.  As I always do.  And I cannot please everyone and I have to be ok with that.  But I'm not.  I hate hurting those that I love.  Sometimes my posts just flow out of me so easily, and sometimes they feel forced leading to periods of no postings.  These are the times that I am digesting.  But still thinking.

After an overwhelming feeling of emotion I posted a heartfelt "thank you" to my mom.  And it was exactly how I was feeling at that time.  I then wrote it in permanent ink by clicking publish.  No going back.  I thought that was fine.

But later I thought about those that I did not thank.  Publicly, that is.  Will they feel cheated?  Unappreciated?  UNIMPORTANT?

Apparently they will.  But not intentionally.  Because everyone innately wants to be recognized and appreciated.  So, should every post come with a disclaimer?  How do I not neglect one when recognizing the other?  So, just like in life, in writing, I cannot please everyone.

I will stop worrying.  Or I will try.  I will post what I feel in my heart.  True to myself and my readers.  And in time, I will get to you.  I will one day post how I could not do my job and raise my kids without my mother in law.  How I would not feel comfortable going out without my incredible babysitter.  How I would be lost without the emotional support of my sister.  How I may lose direction without advice from Dad.

And if I forgot you in the above sentence it is not because I don't love you or you are not important to me.  It is just a stream of consciousness and truth.  And it is for you to read.  But it is for me to write.


4 comments:

paula milgrom said...

carrie -
it's the motive behind your actions that always needs to be checked-
and yours was pure love toward your mom-
nothing wrong with that-
your writings and beautiful words are a treasure
will people be hurt? sometimes - BUT that was not your motive-
love you-
paula

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