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Sunday, May 30, 2010

This blog is for me...

This is a previous uncompleted entry that deserved attention....

Writing is interesting.  It makes me reflect.  Bring more meaning to the mundane.  But in order for it to be interesting, I have to put myself out there.  Like standing in front of a virtual crowd totally naked.  Horrifying.  Maybe someone will read my post and find it interesting.  Maybe no one will read it.  Maybe someone (anyone!) will post a comment.  Whatever.  It is for me.

My best readers so far are my relatives and friends.  I know that it is easy to increase my numbers on my blog, but frankly, adding comments to other peoples blogs right now is way too much of an investment.  So I will continue to do this now for me.

But I got myself into trouble.  As I always do.  And I cannot please everyone and I have to be ok with that.  But I'm not.  I hate hurting those that I love.  Sometimes my posts just flow out of me so easily, and sometimes they feel forced leading to periods of no postings.  These are the times that I am digesting.  But still thinking.

After an overwhelming feeling of emotion I posted a heartfelt "thank you" to my mom.  And it was exactly how I was feeling at that time.  I then wrote it in permanent ink by clicking publish.  No going back.  I thought that was fine.

But later I thought about those that I did not thank.  Publicly, that is.  Will they feel cheated?  Unappreciated?  UNIMPORTANT?

Apparently they will.  But not intentionally.  Because everyone innately wants to be recognized and appreciated.  So, should every post come with a disclaimer?  How do I not neglect one when recognizing the other?  So, just like in life, in writing, I cannot please everyone.

I will stop worrying.  Or I will try.  I will post what I feel in my heart.  True to myself and my readers.  And in time, I will get to you.  I will one day post how I could not do my job and raise my kids without my mother in law.  How I would not feel comfortable going out without my incredible babysitter.  How I would be lost without the emotional support of my sister.  How I may lose direction without advice from Dad.

And if I forgot you in the above sentence it is not because I don't love you or you are not important to me.  It is just a stream of consciousness and truth.  And it is for you to read.  But it is for me to write.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Mother's Day

This Sunday is Mother's Day.  The 4th time I have celebrated as a mom.  This year I am doing something fabulously unremarkable.  Working.  As a doctor.  As a mom.

And there is a reason for this.  At first I was a little bummed that I would not be relaxing in bed on Mother's Day.  Being served coffee and bon bons by my 2 favorite little waitresses.  Doing exactly what I choose on that ONE day.  [Well I wish I wasn't missing the Mother's Day pilates class...]

Then I realized, I choose this day.  I choose my life.  I choose to spend the days with my girls.  And my husband.  Breaking up little fights.  Tending to tantrums.  Soothing boo-boo's.  Allowing him to workout.  Making dinner.  NOT cleaning up. This is what I do.  And I love it.  So I should celebrate it.

My girls have spent the week doing special projects in school to celebrate Mother's Day.  Today was "Muffins with Mom" at school and I got a special picture of me and Reagan (above) and a beautiful vase from Whitney.  I love them.  I'll put them up in the office until I move them into storage bins that house old artwork.  Store the memories to show them later "what they used to do when they were little".  They don't understand Mother's Day.  To them, everyday is a "me" day.  What a beautiful thing.  To be that blissfully naive is refreshing.  And even on Mother's Day its not about me, its about them.

To me, everyday has a "Mother's Day Moment".  It may be when Reagan tells me "she loves me so much, I just want to keep you forever".  Or when she blurts out "I just love you, Mama".  Or when Whit gives me millions of wet, slobbery kisses.  Or laughs a great belly laugh.  These little things make my day and in that moment I celebrate being a MOTHER.  Everyday.


How will you celebrate Mother's Day Sunday? or Anyday?