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Tuesday, April 13, 2010

An empty house...

The whole moving experience has given me much inspiration for blogging but very little time for putting my thoughts down on (virtual) paper.

Last Tuesday was the official moving day.  It may well have been the longest day ever.  But I will not relive the horror of it all.  But I will mention that the best part was the treadmill crashing into the house and the crazy moving man having a near nervous breakdown.

At the end of the day after everything was cleaned out, I went back to the old house.  As I drove over, I thought about what to expect.  I have thought too much about this move.  I have been full of emotion.  But, I was unsure about how I would feel about the good-bye to my first grown up house.  I expected to feel sad. And happy.  At the same time.  I thought I would cry.  Because thats what I usually do.

I was meeting the buyer for the official key exchange ceremony.  Well, it was not very official and it was not ceremonious.  I walked in the back door of my house, as I have a thousand times.  Into the back hall, my pseudo-mud room.  I heard echoes.  Not the echoes of my girls laughing, not the calls of my husband asking me where Whit's pillow is, just echoes.  Loud ones.  Noises that bounce from one wall to another.  An abyss of emptiness.

I looked around at this house that I knew by heart.  Every turn, every creek, a place I could walk with my eyes closed.  And then I realized something big. Something big enough for me NOT to cry.  This was no longer my home.  It was a house.  Owned by two other people that will make it their own.  There was nothing left there that made it mine.  It was sterile and open and empty.  A clean slate.  Ready for a new start.

So I handed the nice man the keys to what was once my life.  I told him I hoped he made great memories there.  Because we did.

And I left.  And I wasn't even sad.

Because all of my treasures were with me.  At our new home.  And my two most important treasures were waiting for me fresh and clean in their jammies.  Just like before.  Just in new surroundings.

Turns out not much has really changed.

Friday, April 9, 2010

A public "Thank you"

Dear Mom,

I want to thank you.  And I know this week I have said many 'thank yous' but this is the real one.  I know I am hard on you.  I know that I expect you to be perfect. I know that I ask demand a lot.  I know it is (nearly) impossible to make me happy.  But...You have helped me tackle my latest life project as if it were your own. I know that this is your way.  This is where you shine.  I know that when you tell me you can't sleep at night because you are thinking of the back hall closet it is because I am still an extension of you.  And you want me to feel happy.  And cozy.  And have the family and the life that we both envision.  And I do.

I may not maintain the closets or drawers as perfect as they are now.  I may (occasionally) forget to hang up my clothes.  I may have clothes that are too small in my kids closets.  Because that is me.  And I have you.  And you will always be there for me.

In your own way.