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Thursday, February 11, 2010

Do you ever push pause?

This blog topic was inspired by my 3 year old daughter.  She insists we "push pause" on the TV so that she does not ever miss a minute of one of the many shows which she has seen a mere 100 times (insert comment here about my inadequacies as a mother). However, the other day we were actually watching live TV (a foreign concept to my children) and when pause was demanded, I could not deliver.  I tried to explain this but I simply couldn't.  I had to break the news that this program would continue despite our need to use the potty.  Wow.

Sometimes I find myself trying to "push pause".  On my life.  Sometimes its for selfish reasons: so I can get more sleep, so I can have more time to get ready for work, so I can have a couple more minutes of "mommy time".  But that is not what I'm talking about here.  I'm talking about those times in your life where you are just so in the moment that you wish it could last forever.  That you could push pause or save and return to the moment later.  Store it on your hard drive.  File under extreme happiness.  Have you ever had one of these moments?

I made a commitment to myself after I had my first daughter that I would try to savor all of her 'firsts", not taking them for granted and not forgetting them.  Meticulously recording them in the baby book.  Trying even to make the mundane interesting so I would have fabulous stories to tell her husband and my future grandchildren (oye).  But even these memories I record are just generalities.  Funny things that the kids do or say that we would want to remember that makes each of them unique.  The events I am trying to remember are those priceless moments that happen everyday that make you remember why you wanted to become a mom.  What makes it all worthwhile.

One "push pause" moment that I can readily access is from my oldest's 2nd birthday.  It was a swimming party.  Sunny day, lots of friends, perfect pool.  We had a swim teacher do some activities and sing songs.  I was holding my then 2 year old.  We were spinning around and I felt like you do in the movies.  Where you are focusing on a face and the background goes blurry.  And everything else is silent but your own voice and her laughter. If you were watching us, you wouldn't even had taken notice.  But the visceral sense of happiness that I felt in that moment was something I wanted to remember.  Find the remote.  Push pause.  I can still close my eyes and go there in my mind.  Staring into her eyes, singing and laughing, I told myself, remember this moment.  For you.  For her.  It won't last forever.

I am thinking about recording the "push pause" moments.  Kind of like a DVR of my life.  Naming each of them with a title.  That way I won't forget.  But, I am sure, like everything else in the hustle and bustle of life, I will push it to the side.  But maybe its not about that.  The reason that we remember these otherwise mundane moments as important is because of the feelings we attach to it.  And whatever it is that gives us that feeling of utter happiness is worth remembering, however you choose to do it.



doccarrie said...

Thank you for sharing my post!!!

LilSugar said...

Thanks for the great post doccarrie!

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